maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
