I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
