You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
