she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
