then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
