I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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