my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
