Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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