Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
