Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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