Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
