i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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