just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
