I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
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