And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
