I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
