in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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