I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
