I think im going to throw up on grandma
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
