I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
