Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
