and she was petting her beer can
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
