my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
