Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Enjoy the penises
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
