I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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