You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
People in love make me want to vomit
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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