Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
