It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Randomize
