grandma shit on top of the toilet
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
