and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
