Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
