Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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