She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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