You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
