bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
