At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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