My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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