i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
one two three fourrrrnication!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
