I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
