I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
