my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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