I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
