Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
