goodnight i made you a song goodbye
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
