just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
