Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
