last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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