dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
