Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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