Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
