She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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