i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Also, beer. Big fan.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
