was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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